That in-love thing
Ok, so somehow I get into a discussion with S. about wanting to take a lover and he says I should try falling in love first. I told him I don't think I'm capable of it. He said that's sad. So I ask him to tell me what its like to fall in love and he said he's been wildly in love a few times. He remembers his last one, he remembered exactly where he was and it only took in 3 seconds. But his last one broke his heart pretty good and now he's doubting he will be able to do it again. What a ringing endorsement for falling in love...not!
It is a wonderful, amazing feeling, he said -- while it lasts. So my confusion is... Why want to fall in love if it is so capricious and whimsical and blind? If you can fall in love with the wrong person, someone who is incompatible, or inconstant, or unkind, why bother? And what is the difference between Passion and In Love? Passion has two sides: the wonderous driving delight, and the trembling miserable agony. Sounds like in-love to me. Only, you can have passion without the blindness which, to my observation, seems to be a primary criteria for being considered in-love. "Love is blind," they say, which is the explanation when one person develops feelings for an inappropriate 'other', and then lives a miserable existance for weeks or months or years.
So again, I find myself wondering, why would anyone want to fall in love?
It is a wonderful, amazing feeling, he said -- while it lasts. So my confusion is... Why want to fall in love if it is so capricious and whimsical and blind? If you can fall in love with the wrong person, someone who is incompatible, or inconstant, or unkind, why bother? And what is the difference between Passion and In Love? Passion has two sides: the wonderous driving delight, and the trembling miserable agony. Sounds like in-love to me. Only, you can have passion without the blindness which, to my observation, seems to be a primary criteria for being considered in-love. "Love is blind," they say, which is the explanation when one person develops feelings for an inappropriate 'other', and then lives a miserable existance for weeks or months or years.
So again, I find myself wondering, why would anyone want to fall in love?
posted by KR | 6/10/2005 06:56:00 AM
9 Comments:
I can't answer the why myself. The why of wanting that is. My take is:
Ain't gonna happen if a) you are trying, b) you want [and thus are trying subconsciously].
It'll happen in the course of living life.
That is all.
Well, should I look for that cabin? Just jumpin' bones is a step short of fallin' in luv or takin' a luvr. Come on monkey girl. [wink]
you forgot option c) you don't want (and are consciously trying not to)
And, uhm, I'm showing my ignorance here... what is a 'monkey girl'?
Year of the Monkey. The blogspot profile page shows the data: Blogger: User Profile: Kelly
Plus I don't think c) is valid. I bet you can fall in love if you are trying not to do so. We fail at what we try to do all the time.
I never thought I would fall in love again until I walked into a cabin in the woods and saw the man for me across the room. It wasn't meant to be love, it was a singers party, for the love of Pete! I was supposed to screw him and then leave. The funny thing about fate and love is that it always happens when you least expect it or want it. When you are ready and not looking for it it will happen. As for falling for the wrong person..love is never wasted. Even if you are miserable, the lessons you learn is worth the pain and the passion. Love is like lightening Kelly, you can't plan it or control it. Like everything else in life, control is an illusion, especially where love is concerned.
yea, there's no good reason to ever fall in love. not that i can think of, ecxcept the poetry.
but sometimes you can't stop it from happening.
"Then she realized that what love is all about is heartbreak. And when you realize what love is all about is heartbreak, you're all right. But if you think it's about fulfillment, happiness,satisfaction,union, all of that stuff, you're in for even more heartbreak."
From "We have had a hundred years of psychotherapy and the world is getting worse" by James Hillman and Michael Ventura
Interesting. But I know of people who found happiness (contentment)in
love.
A movie that portray's holding back, inability to trust oneself, "A Heart in Winter" (Un Coeur En Hiver). Available in DVD.
Why fall in love? You say it's some ups then some downs so why do it. It doesn't last so why try?
Well, let's relate that to other things in life:
1) Eating good food: You can only eat so much then you're satiated or you'll grow tired of it. You'll desire it when you can't have it sometimes. It can't always be there for you, so why eat good food?
2) Hanging out with people you like more than other people: You can't ALWAYS be with them so it'll only make the rest of life more disappointing. It'll make other people seem worse in comparison. You'll miss them when you're apart. Why go through that? Just hang out with the scum of earth so that everything else is a pleasany surprise. (This example basically IS the love example though describing the lesser degrees of care we have for friends).
So, in conclusion, I have a strangely structured way of speaking with two odd examples. The End. ;-)
>So again, I find myself wondering, why would anyone want to fall in love?
.......for the free poontang?:)
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