Nasruddin, Desire, and Reality

A Sufi parable, written from memory, and thus flawed, but I think the pertinent parts are reasonably intact:

Nasruddin sat in a marketplace, weeping, a large quantity of peppers spread out before him. Steadily, methodically, one after the other, he reaches for pepper after pepper, putting them into his mouth and chewing each one with deliberation, all the while crying and wailing in pain.

"What is wrong?" asked one of the friends who had gathered around him in amazement. "What is the matter with you?"

Nasruddin had to struggle to make himself understood around the tears and choking, his poor mouth on fire. But eventually he managed a coherent sentance. He said, "I am looking for a sweet one."

At first glance, Nasruddin is a fool. The message of the parable is obvious: Desire never learns, it never tires, it never wakes up. Even when the act of desiring creates terrible suffering, it perseveres, causing us to do some bizarre and foolish things. The parable illustrates that unbridgeable gap betwen desire and satisfaction, the gap responsible for our seemingly self-destructive, self-punishing, irrational, compulsive actions.

And there is another, more subtle, and yet positive message in this story: that it is Desire that keeps us going, ever hopeful; that the human spirit cannot accept 'no' or 'it cannot be' or 'it hurts' as an answer. Desire propels us ever forward, toward a goal made all the more compelling for its elusiveness: 'I will have a sweet one.'

If I left it at that, if I stopped there, this parable, this koan-like lesson, would be a much simpler story... and something very profound would go unnoticed. But it is more than an illustration of the problem of Desire's insatiability. It models the solution: Acceptance. Nasruddin accepts that he Desires, and in doing so, deepens the experience of 'self'. He is not ashamed of his tears, he does not fight them. He is unapologetic of his desire, which persists despite his suffering. He does not forsake his desire, nor the consequences of it, because it embodies a yearning that is as spiritual as it is sensual. The solution modelled by this story is that, rather than treating it as the source of suffering and thus a foe, Desire can be an ally, a vehicle for personal transformation, that can awaken and liberate the soul.

I am aware of my Desire as a longing for completion in the face of the vast unpredictability and endless possibility of my circumstances. And I am aware that there is a drive for transcendence (see March 11th, 2005 entry here) that is implicit in even the most sensual of desires. In fact, I believe that Desire is the energy that strives for transcendance, and without it, we accomplish nothing. Desire is one of our most precious human qualities...it is our natural response to the reality of suffering.

Where am I going with this?

First, that it is Desire that brings people together, and that desire is equally as valid if it creates suffering as if it creates joy.

Second, that there are important links between the spiritual and the sensual. I have almost always used the sensual as the entrance to the spiritual: for there are ways that the sensual and the erotic experiences can be transcendant, just as spiritual experiences can be erotic. I know this: the Tibetan Buddhist model for the awakened mind is-- orgasm. There are those out there who remain unconvinced of the spiritual dimensions of sexual pleasure, who are in doubt that the heights of which I have spoken are actually possible. Indeed, most advocate a temperate, low-key "it feels good bodily function" status for sex -- I know and understand this perspective because much of my own sexual expression has been a rational exercise in the mechanics of arousal and orgasm -- and yet I have also experienced the magical, spiritual aspects of sex. I also know that it can go beyond what I have experienced, and I Desire that. And I will have the transcendant consciousness I experienced with Chris again, only next time it will be with a lover, and it will happen because I Desire it. Why do I desire it? Because I am wired for it. Because I am a sensual creature, like many others in the world, and there are multiple points of access to spiritual transcendance, and the path of the Sensualist also has a Gate which opens upon that spiritual level ... it is just a far more pleasantly distracting, winding, and branching path than most who seek enlightenment would choose to walk.

Third, that I accept. All of it. Not in a defeatist sense, but with muted joy.
I accept my desires. I accept myself. I accept the choices I have made and the ones I will make. I accept what comes, because fighting it will only make me angry and fearful. I accept that I may seem foolish on the surface. I accept that Love transforms and is transformational. I accept that I am meant to experience this sensual transcendance, the longing for which is a significant part of what drives me to complete therapy and which compells me to remain celibate. I accept that I cannot settle for less than what I Desire, that, like Nasruddin, I will strive for that which seems unattainable, but which I am convinced can be attained, despite my suffering or apparent foolishness.

And lastly, I am aware that we create our own reality. It sounds cliche, but it is true. We choose, daily, the reality and circumstances in which we live. We are each of us the maker of our own selves and conditions, because thought itself is causal and creative, and appears in our character, actions, and lives in the form of results. I accept as fact that each of us is the orginator of our own thoughts, and, being consciously aware of the effects of our thoughts, the realization follows that our circumstances are the effects of inward causes (see Sept 17, 2004 entry). This concept is not as far-out or New-Age-ish as it seems. In the quantam foam exists all possibility, say today's mystics, those men and women garbed in the white robes of science, and thought and emotion and desire, these things influence outcomes on every level of reality, beginning with the subatomic level. We desire, we need, we love, we hate -- we think, and with our thoughts, we bring those things into being, into our lives. It is an amazing, life-altering realization.