Count down, 7 weeks left

Another week is ending in Dante's Inferno, there are only seven more until I am transferred back to working out of Portland, and then, just in time for vacation. I cannot wait! Today was a rough day, a lot of nasty calls, three different people were really trashing the company... I finally told them that their experiences are atypical and that we are aware of the problem and that myself and 20 others from all over the country are helping out the SoCal office, trying to turn things around. Two were mollified, one didn't give a fuck -- not that I blame her -- she wants value for her dollar and her very reasonable expectations met. I cannot believe how fucked up things are. And apparently it is almost as bad at the NoCal office. But I don't care. I'm never doing this again. There are 5 positions open at Kaiser that I am qualified for. I'd hate to start over again, and I'd hate to leave Michelle and Joan in a lurch...but if they farm me out again without asking me I'll go work somewhere else.

JL has been a real life-saver the past couple of weeks. He is always doing and saying things that make me smile and sometimes even laugh. He refuses to be daunted by my ill-tempered ways. He and Jordan both have this innocence about them--they both have that undeflated child-like wonder and enthusiasm--but JL has a child's confidence and fearlessness, and like a child, he lives almost completely in the moment. That he has managed some how to retain it after 46 years of life seems a miracle. He has such infectious good spirits, and when he sings to me I cannot help but be delighted. He teases me mercilessly, and as gullible as I often am, it is very easy to put one over on me--as he did today, much to my chagrin. I must confess that I find him adorable. It is a pity he lives so far away. Or perhaps it is just as well. With all his certainty and love, he would make a very effective distraction from therapy...

Speaking of which, I have my next session tomorrow am. I'm not sure what to bring up with her, perhaps I should make up a list. She wanted me to bring a dream, so I am. I am debating whether or not to bring up the argument Michael and I had last week. He definately gave my Animus a much-deserved kick in the balls, and in some ways I am still reeling from it. Even though he did say afterwards that he wanted me to continue to be a part of his life, the words he said in anger "the relationship we had is now gone, and it will not return" still remain in my mind, just, I am sure, as some of my words remain in his. I wonder, will we ever get past them to reclaim the ease that existed between us?

Then again, maybe I'll just stick to rummaging in the past, its less raw... She usually manages to get me talking about one thing or another, and I don't expect this session to be any different.