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Dilettante's Diary: the internal dialogue of a hedonist bluestocking.

I am a dilettante. I know quite a bit about a lot of things, but I don't know enough to be an expert on anything. I have a very sensual, hedonistic nature, but I am also a thinker, and I aim one day to be worthy of the label 'bluestocking', despite its pejorative connotations.

This is my journal, which, delightfully enough, doesn't have to go wherever I go, but is accessible from nearly everywhere I am.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

The following is my understanding of a portion of the book "Before Thinking", by Zen Master Anzan Hoshin, which discussed the Fourth Style of Zen pratice known as Daijo Zen, or “Great Practice Zen,” which is the practice of the Mahayana or the “Great and Open Way.”

Master Anzan teaches that the whole of the Mahayana is embodied in the Shi Gu Sei Gan, the Four Great Vows:

Japanese chant:
SHU JO MU HEN SEI GAN DO
BO NO MU JIN SEI GAN DAN
HO MON MU RYO SEI GAN GAKU
BUTSU DO MU JO SEI GAN JO

English translation:
All beings without number I vow to liberate.
Endless obsessions I vow to release.
Dharma Gates beyond measure I vow to penetrate.
Limitless Awakening, I vow to unfold.

A very wise person once said: "If we do not understand our practice we will practice our misunderstanding." So what does all this mean?

"All beings without number I vow to liberate." Liberate from what? From suffering, from the wheel of karma, from the irritations and attachments that keep us aware of our separateness from the One. This vow reminds the practicioner that we live not only for our own benefit, but for the benefit of all beings. It means recognizing when someone else is stuck and offering to help, knowing that perhaps they have other things to do which you can’t do and doing what you can do, helping free them, helping them do something else that will be of benefit to themselves or someone else, lifting us all as we move along the Path of Enlightenment. Why should I care about someone else's liberation and enlightenment? Its both elegantly simple and beautifully complex: "This Way embraces everything that is arising for us and is not simply concerned with our own liberation but recognizes that the liberation of all beings is inseparable from our own because we are inseparable from all beings and work for that liberation."

"Endless obsessions I vow to release." What does 'endless obsessions' mean? Obsession is the act of obsessing or the state of being obsessed. Obsessed is to be preoccupied, haunted, to fill the mind continually, to take control of, to torment, dominate, grip, possess, hold, plague. An obsession is a persistent idea or thought dominating a person’s mind. Interestingly, the word obsess is from the Latin "obsedare " which means "to sit down before." So it is as though we have no choice but to sit down before these thoughts or rather to have these obsessions sit upon us, making us incapable of doing anything else. Zazen sits you down in front of what you believe to be uncontrollable, that which you believe has sat you down or sat down on you and immobilized you. With time and attention, you start to know a thought as a thought, a story as a story, an obsession as a thought with a story and you start to understand because you can know this thought, this obsession. You learn that you are not that thought or obsession about who or what you are or what the world is. You learn to let go of your attachment to what obsesses you, and when obsessions cease you don’t notice because you’re not obsessed with defining yourself in any way. You simply are.


"Dharma Gates beyond measure I vow to penetrate." What are Dharma Gates? The word 'dharma' is used in three ways, one of them is usually capitalized and used in reference to Buddha. This word means the Way, the body of knowledge passed down by Buddha outlining the duties to be performed and the conduct to be followed on the way to enlightenment. In lower case, it refers to the fundamental principle that orders the universe, the energy from whence all that is originates. In Hinduism, it often refers to the duties believed to be inherent in each caste. In this case, the first meaning is intended: The Gates of the Way. Awareness of Dharma Gates requires one to be mindful and awake, conscious of the energy of the universe. This vow requires that practioners shrug off the obsessions that burden them and learn to open themselves to the richness of the universe, to the infinite opportunities of each moment that present themselves to be opened: the Dharma Gates. It requires recognizing that how we understand and how we misunderstand are all opportunities to be entered into. It calls upon us to penetrate each dharma, each moment, completely, so that we may experience directly what our life is and assume responsibility for the treasury of who we are, allowing us to express this richness. It is a reminder that there are many paths leading to enlightenment, and in any given moment a multitude of paths may unfold to us, and we must not hesitate to penetrate the gates of those paths lest we miss an opportunity to liberate ourselves or others.


Limitless Awakening, I vow to unfold. Limitless awakening is enlightenment, it is the Awakening to who we are. We are each and all Buddha; one who has woken up. It reminds practioners each time they say or hear the Vow, that they must awaken, that they must recognize when they are dreaming. Embrace all beings through releasing images of self and other, this and that, into the limitless and radiant expanse of Reality. Each moment, unfold your awareness, wake up, never give up striving to attain enlightenment. Ultimately, it is a reminder that each moment presents beings to liberate, obsessions to release, dharma gates to penetrate, in order for limitless awakening to unfold.


Thus is my understanding of a small portion of a very small part of one wise man's teaching. The question is, how much of it am I willing to invest in? Can my own personal, hedonistic, rational self-interest philosophy include the spiritual pursuit of enlightenment not only for myself, but for the collective, the continuum? And what a contrast between this book and Rand's "The Fountainhead". Ehical Objectivism and Spiritual Collectivism--an interesting juxtaposition.

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