What women want
Me: You were wise, I think, to turn things down with La Femme.
Saiai: How so?
Me: You seem a lot less stressed. A lot less baffled. Less stubborn. You seemed to feel like you were always in the wrong, and your mind would not allow you to validate those feelings, because your mind could not find where you had done something wrong. An emotional - cognitive dissonance?
Saiai: I dunno..
Me: With women like our Exes, it is important that they be right, that their thoughts and feelings be validated. If their friends and partners cannot provide that, they feel betrayed. It is that 'if you are not with me, you are against me' mentality. The problem is that they are also highly intelligent, and so they are subject to sudden swings into rational reassessment of their behaviour.
Saiai: She does that...rational behaviour all of a sudden ;)
Me: And when that moment occurs, it is extremely important not to say "But that is what I've been trying to tell you all along!" I will tell you another thing... any woman who tells you that all she wants is to be understood is lying. To you, herself, or both. Women do NOT want to be understood.
Saiai: Oh?
Me: What women want is to remain a mystery, to be desired. What women want 'understood' is... hmm... that who they are is subject to change at whim. Thus, it is important, not to understand women, but for those who love women to be understanding.
Saiai: Ahh, so they know they are being crazy but want to get away with it.
Me: Actually, it is not crazy.
Saiai: Whimsical then.
Me: Spontaneous.
Saiai: First word that comes to mind… Combustion
Me: *grin* But it is completely in conflict with structured society. Lets face it, reality is free, it is fluid, tenuous, dynamic, constantly changing. Humans constrain reality, we try to control it, force patterns and habits on it. This creates tension. We see patterns even where there are none. We create systems because we need them.
Saiai: But you realize… that when men do the same thing, they are called 'immature'
Me: And when women do it, they are called irrational.
Me: It would be nice if we could meet the moment, react to the moment, free of conditioning and supposition. To know the wonder and mystery of each moment of our experience as it unfolds. To... hmm... to find in ourselves the imagination and the creativity to meet each moment as if it is unique and original, rather than forcing our preconceptions upon the time.
Saiai: Well, systemizing is the natural reaction when one attempts to control ones understanding.
Me: But must we understand something this moment? Can't we let understanding come at its own pace? Must we judge everything? What happened to just perceiving, to just experiencing. To feeling the questions arise and know that the answers will come in their own time... or not? And as for women, I still think that they want to be compelling mysteries which their partners will strive to understand, but endlessly fail at because women change. All the time.
Saiai: How so?
Me: You seem a lot less stressed. A lot less baffled. Less stubborn. You seemed to feel like you were always in the wrong, and your mind would not allow you to validate those feelings, because your mind could not find where you had done something wrong. An emotional - cognitive dissonance?
Saiai: I dunno..
Me: With women like our Exes, it is important that they be right, that their thoughts and feelings be validated. If their friends and partners cannot provide that, they feel betrayed. It is that 'if you are not with me, you are against me' mentality. The problem is that they are also highly intelligent, and so they are subject to sudden swings into rational reassessment of their behaviour.
Saiai: She does that...rational behaviour all of a sudden ;)
Me: And when that moment occurs, it is extremely important not to say "But that is what I've been trying to tell you all along!" I will tell you another thing... any woman who tells you that all she wants is to be understood is lying. To you, herself, or both. Women do NOT want to be understood.
Saiai: Oh?
Me: What women want is to remain a mystery, to be desired. What women want 'understood' is... hmm... that who they are is subject to change at whim. Thus, it is important, not to understand women, but for those who love women to be understanding.
Saiai: Ahh, so they know they are being crazy but want to get away with it.
Me: Actually, it is not crazy.
Saiai: Whimsical then.
Me: Spontaneous.
Saiai: First word that comes to mind… Combustion
Me: *grin* But it is completely in conflict with structured society. Lets face it, reality is free, it is fluid, tenuous, dynamic, constantly changing. Humans constrain reality, we try to control it, force patterns and habits on it. This creates tension. We see patterns even where there are none. We create systems because we need them.
Saiai: But you realize… that when men do the same thing, they are called 'immature'
Me: And when women do it, they are called irrational.
Me: It would be nice if we could meet the moment, react to the moment, free of conditioning and supposition. To know the wonder and mystery of each moment of our experience as it unfolds. To... hmm... to find in ourselves the imagination and the creativity to meet each moment as if it is unique and original, rather than forcing our preconceptions upon the time.
Saiai: Well, systemizing is the natural reaction when one attempts to control ones understanding.
Me: But must we understand something this moment? Can't we let understanding come at its own pace? Must we judge everything? What happened to just perceiving, to just experiencing. To feeling the questions arise and know that the answers will come in their own time... or not? And as for women, I still think that they want to be compelling mysteries which their partners will strive to understand, but endlessly fail at because women change. All the time.
posted by KR | 8/30/2005 05:59:00 PM
1 Comments:
You don't believe in order and rationality?
"Humans constrain reality, we try to control it, force patterns and habits on it. This creates tension. We see patterns even where there are none."
This is very odd to me. My understanding of the world alleviates tension. My rationality makes me happier and more at ease. Knowing why a person is angry at me allows me to feel for them instead of react in kind. Believing the world has order allows me to act rationally. To have language, to drive a car, to type this message.
I am clearly missing some of your meaning. If you didn't believe in order or rationality you'd not have learned to speak (or you'd abandon it as mere coincidence upon obtaining those beliefs). In what ways does order create tension?
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