Friday morning, 1 am
My phone rang at 1am. Tamar, asking what was going on. So, I told her. She started crying. She's worried about Sean, she's worried about what kind of effect Dad is going to have on him. I told her I'd made Tess promise not to leave Sean alone with Dad. She said that I don't know how pathetic Dad can be when it comes to Sean, how he says that Sean is his only reason for living, the only person in the world who doesn't think he's an asshole, etc etc and that he will wear Tess down again, and she will let Dad see Sean.
I interrupted her. I reminded her that Dad deliberately left 'his only reason for living' stranded in the middle nowhere and hopped on a Greyhound bus. I reminded her that Tess would never forget that he had shown where his loyalties lay... not with his daughter and grandchildren whom he was supposedly eager to have live nearby, but with his step-daughter. Tess would never forget or forgive that he had chosen the Twins over her again.
Tamar calmed down. She knew I spoke truly. Then she said that Dad would cry to Sean, try to worm his way around Tess by using Sean against her.
I told her that is where I come in. I told her Tess wants me to tell Sean the truth about Dad. That Sean needs to know who is Grandpa really is... not the fantasy that Dad has build up and that they have willingly helped promote, but the truth.
She asked what I was going to tell him. I could hear the tension in her voice. She'd always hoped it would never come to this.
I told her I had thought about it for a few hours, and that I was hoping that telling him just one thing would have the desired effect.
She said, "What are you going to tell him?"
I told her I was probably going to tell him that when his mom was his age, Grandpa put her in the hospital for a few days. Its the right age, and it might also help him to understand why Tess is the way she is, why she is generally a bit unbalanced, and why being around Dad stresses her out so much.
Tamar sighed. She thought a moment. Then she said, "Alright. I'm sorry you have to do this Kel, but its your turn now. I've watched over that kid for the last 12 years, you get him for the next 6."
I told her I would do my best. I told her I would do my best to get across to Sean why he needs to be careful around his grandpa, without being too graphic. Without him thinking that what happened to Tess was just an isolated incident. That boy has had a very gentle and sheltered upbringing. He's a wonderful person with a beautiful soul, and if he's going to remain that way, he needs to know who his Grandpa really is. Because that man can fuck him up for life...
I interrupted her. I reminded her that Dad deliberately left 'his only reason for living' stranded in the middle nowhere and hopped on a Greyhound bus. I reminded her that Tess would never forget that he had shown where his loyalties lay... not with his daughter and grandchildren whom he was supposedly eager to have live nearby, but with his step-daughter. Tess would never forget or forgive that he had chosen the Twins over her again.
Tamar calmed down. She knew I spoke truly. Then she said that Dad would cry to Sean, try to worm his way around Tess by using Sean against her.
I told her that is where I come in. I told her Tess wants me to tell Sean the truth about Dad. That Sean needs to know who is Grandpa really is... not the fantasy that Dad has build up and that they have willingly helped promote, but the truth.
She asked what I was going to tell him. I could hear the tension in her voice. She'd always hoped it would never come to this.
I told her I had thought about it for a few hours, and that I was hoping that telling him just one thing would have the desired effect.
She said, "What are you going to tell him?"
I told her I was probably going to tell him that when his mom was his age, Grandpa put her in the hospital for a few days. Its the right age, and it might also help him to understand why Tess is the way she is, why she is generally a bit unbalanced, and why being around Dad stresses her out so much.
Tamar sighed. She thought a moment. Then she said, "Alright. I'm sorry you have to do this Kel, but its your turn now. I've watched over that kid for the last 12 years, you get him for the next 6."
I told her I would do my best. I told her I would do my best to get across to Sean why he needs to be careful around his grandpa, without being too graphic. Without him thinking that what happened to Tess was just an isolated incident. That boy has had a very gentle and sheltered upbringing. He's a wonderful person with a beautiful soul, and if he's going to remain that way, he needs to know who his Grandpa really is. Because that man can fuck him up for life...
posted by KR | 7/22/2005 02:06:00 AM
2 Comments:
Be careful what you say doesn't have the opposite effect, that he becomes alienated from you and your sister. He needs to know, yes, but tie it into his behavior before he stranded them. I'll be thinking about you.
Yes. I'm aware of that possiblity. I'm definately doing this in person. And in the light of day, I'd prefer to put it in context with recent history. But I don't want to minimize it. He doesn't know what we don't tell him and I would rather he make informed choices than ignorant ones. I have to ask myself what is the compassionate thing to do. And in the long run, telling him that his grandfather is a human being with significant flaws may very likely save him a lot of anguish later on. My father tried to kidnap him three years ago, and assaulted Tamar when she tried to leave with Sean. Its not pretty, and there is nothing he is not capable of.
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