Weekend at the Beach

Stephanie's dad flew in from Alaska. His plane was 4 hours late, but one has come to expect that of Alaskan Airlines. I rented a Subaru Outback so we had plenty of room for people and all the beach stuff and we got to Seaside at around midnight, staying where we did when Stas visited, just one unit down. We woke up to the usual misty morning here on the coast, nice and cool and refreshing. We stayed in Seaside until around 11:00 and then headed for Cannon Beach, since Stephanie's sister Robin was scheduled to arrive Saturday afternoon. She was driving down from Gig Harbor with her Grandmother and her boyfriend. Stephanie and I checked into the cabin we rented. Its very cute and right on Ecola Creek, just outside Ecola State Park, and just a short walk from the beach. Howard checked into the SurfSand Resort, which, at $250 a night, has lovely amenities, decent-sized rooms, and a balcony overlooking the beach. After Robin the the rest arrived, they said they were too tired to go out to dinner, so Howard and Stephanie and I did. We went to Kalypso, which is a pretty nice mediterranean-style restaurant. Howard had the Crab Louie salad, and I had crab cakes (dungeness crab is in season, yum!). Stephanie had ribsteak, of course. The deserts were oralgasmic - a 'swedish creme' that was like creme anglaise (light custard/pudding) and a chocolate torte, both with a fresh raspberry sauce that tasted like concentrated heaven.

We talked, as we always do, about numerous things. Howard is still doing research through the Univeristy of Alaska, even though he has been professor emeritus for 15 years, because he keeps bringing in research grants. So we talked about marine biology, ecology, evolution, religion, politics, books we've read, Stephanie's courses, her month in Europe, etc. After a couple of hours and a bottle of wine, we drive to the cabin, built a fire in the pit outside, and talked around the fire. Stephanie melted the heels of her sneakers on the metal rim of the firepit :) I went to bed early and left them talking. She does like having him to herself, and this weekend was the only time she will have that, since Jill and Susan are flying in later this week and her mom will be driving down over the weekend, so next weekend Stephanie will be sharing him with everyone.

[audio-entry]
This morning I woke up at 6:00. I lay in bed and meditated on these questions: What is my purpose right now in my life, and do I have the resolve to fulfill that purpose? In a constantly changing, ever ambiguous world, is anything worthy of the total commitment needed to attain it? I thought about how tempting it is to appeal to a purpose-giving higher-power outside of time and space, a transcendant Absolute god in which ultimate meaning is secured, and from whom the answers to Life's big questions can be obtained through mystics and sacred texts. This is the consolation of religion. This is the 'crutch of the weakminded' that Howard referred to.

I realized that my mind was wandering off-topic, so I refocussed my attention on my answer to the questions I was posing myself. A purpose, I decided, may be little more than a set of images and words, but I can be totally committed to it. Such resolve entails aspiration, appreciation, and conviction: I aspire to be released from the fears and patterns I have been caught in for so many years. I appreciate the value of this goal, and I am convinced it is possible. Aspiration is as much a bodily longing as an intellectual desire; appreciation as much a passion as a preference; conviction as much an intuition as a rational conclusion... So, regardless of the purpose to which I am committed, when such feelings are aroused, life is infused with meaning. Ultimately then, it would seem that my purpose is to give my life meaning.

After half an hour of this reflection, I got up and showered and went outside. I had the world to myself, as is my wont on Sunday mornings. I could hear the seagulls, smell the salt-tang and woodsmoke in the air. The little miniature bunnies were warming themselves in the sun. There was very little ground-mist this morning, and the sky was unclouded and deeply, inspiringly blue. I nibbled on a bagel and read for about an hour, then drove into town for a double-shot latte for Stephanie... coffee is the only way to entice her to get out of bed before she is good and ready, and I decided I did not want to wait for that to happen. So I brought back coffee, she crawled out of the top bunk, showered, packed up, and we drove to her Dad's hotel. I took some more photos of the beach in the morning, then we went down and sunned ourselves until noon, as Stephanie and I had agreed.

And, as agreed, I informed Howard that I would not be seeing him this next weekend. Stephanie and I need some time apart, and Chris would like to see me.