making mudpies in the playground of our minds

Cyn's been staying with me for a few days. Two grown women doing a sleep-over. Heh. I haven't been sober in the evenings since Wednesday nite. There are 6 empty bottles of wine in my kitchen. Four are 2001 Griffin Creek Viognier (finished the case, damn!) one is Anna Maria Late Harvest Cabernet Sauvignon, and the other is a Willamette Valley Vineyards Gewurtztraminer. She slept with me again last night. She doesn't do women, but she loves my bed (just like I knew she would) and we've snuggled up and fallen asleep talking the past three nights. Its really nice girl-time. We're both very intelligent, assertive, sensual, and uninhibited. Like me, most of her friends are men, and like me, she has a low tolerance for frivolous women. So neither of us has much in the way of women friends, and the fact that we relate to each other so well is a delight.

Just finished drinking a pitcher of lemon drops and watching the movie "Something about Mary". Laughed our asses off. We were going to go out tonite but then we realized we had to get her to the airport by 9:30am to catch a flight to Phoenix, and we've not been getting out of bed until MUCH later than that, so we are staying home. We spent all day in my bed until 4:30 pm! So fun. I did get up at 8:30 and meditate but she looked so sweet and snuggly in bed so I joined her again. We woke up about 11:30 and then we talked about multiple orgasms and molecular genetics and superstring theory and the mystery of the male ego. God she is so brilliant and versatile and informed! The burning question today was "Why are men such dogs?" We were both comparing notes on Nic. Poor man. If he only knew how much compassion we have for him *laugh* I've learned a lot from her these past few days. Yup. Quite a lot. Its been an education in many ways. I have a feeling that I'm going to be a lot like her in 10 years (well, except for the submission kink). Which is cool. I'm looking forward to it.

We talked about therapy. She's had some time on the couch, too, and we talked about Ryan and letting go of him. Its hard. It is such a burden, to carry the shame of so many people on my shoulders. She thinks I should go find Demming. Find the fucking bitch and lay his suicide at her feet. And she asked why I haven't answered his mother's question as to why he killed himself. I told her that we never told anyone. Since we had each other, Ryan and I never told anyone about what she'd done to us and caused us to do to each other, and I can't tell his mom now for two reasons. One, because I cannot deliberately hurt another person, and I know she would be devestated to learn that while she was out partying, a friend of hers was molesting her son, and that he killed himself because he couldn't face parenthood and the fear that he would fail his daughter as our parents had failed us. And two, because it was our secret, his and mine, and its not my place to reveal to his family something that he chose to keep secret from them.

Ah, I've gotten too heavy. Time to let Cyn make me laugh. She' s leaving all too soon.