paradigm shift

I looked at Stephanie as she told me once again that everything she'd gotten out of our relationship was shit. I experienced a deep sense of sadness: How can someone who has so much be so ungrateful? And then a slide into paradigm shift. Perhaps this is what I was supposed to learn from her. Perhaps the answer is that it really is excrement. All the things I have been grateful for are of scatological interest only. I have been a fool to be grateful for things that are so unimportant as to be shit on someone else's list. Being grateful is foolish. I need to practice being unsatisfied. These realizations make me feel broken inside. I tell myself that if I move slowly and breathe shallowly I won't shatter completely. I need to find something important. What is important? This question has been circling in my mind and everywhere it alights is just more of the same shit. I've been going about it all wrong...maybe nothing is important.